First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
