I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
