Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wear drunk well.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize