Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
