And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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