Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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