just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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