Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
