That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
