I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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