Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
