I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
