I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
