I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
