Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
