just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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