so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I could make wine with my vomit
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
