I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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