is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
