I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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