theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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