Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
