Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize