I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
