I cut my penus on the lid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize