Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
