my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
