Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
