she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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