it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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