You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
