this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
