Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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