went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
