So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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