I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
