She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
