Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
