Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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