Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
