this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
