I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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