wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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