dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
