Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
