I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
