i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
