Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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