I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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