So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
