I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
