Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
