ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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