Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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