Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
