I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
