Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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