I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
