ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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