What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
