i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just blew my weed a kiss
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
