I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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