could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
