Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
